Truth: Sharing your news sucks
The thing about divorce is that is immensely private. It is also, terribly public. Unless you’ve lived as hermits in a forest, you have friends, family, co-workers and neighbours, who will eventually know you are the victim of a failed marriage.
And you know what? Whether you’re the initiator or not, that shit is awkward. Maybe you feel guilt. Maybe you feel shame. Maybe you feel neither but feel you’re expected to by people who hear the news.
“Oh! I’m so sorry,” one said, with a pout in her mouth and brows.
“Good for you!” said another, not even knowing the why.
People don’t know what to say. They infer. You have to expect that you will experience an abundance of these interactions.
Here’s the thing. It’s awkward for everyone. They don’t know what to say. You probably won’t either. And your truths? Well, they might not be flattering of your partner. And you have to weigh your right to share your own whys with your ex’s right to privacy.
When you get married, you share your privacy with your partner. What you are allowed to share after divorce, however, is rarely covered in a separation agreement. At least not one without an NDA. But if you’re a sharer, if you’re one who commonly shares your raw truths, not being able to share such a pivotal and ultimately public life event is something that requires management for which you have no training.
If there is a course in how to manage such things, I certainly haven’t found it.
Divorce is something that happens to you but the number of people who are invested and care about it, and the why, well, it’s bigger than you can predict. And it’s a hard, extra part of divorce to manage, practically and emotionally. But every divorced couple faces it.
And it sucks.
It’s a truth for us all.
The Epiphany Years 